Chapter 6: Sleeping Through the Night

Many fine young parents bring this common worry to our door: when will I be able to sleep through the night again?

Surely such a view shows a distinct selfishness on the part of said parents. If you were so blasted concerned with getting your required beauty sleep each night, why have children? It shows a certain lack of planning, or perhaps the idea that an infant is something like a small crup to be put out whenever it makes too much racket for sleeping.

Please, parents, we beg of you. Do not put your children out if they cry too loudly at night. They so often crawl away or get taken by wolves.

Instead, resign yourselves to the fact that you won't get another good night's sleep for the next 11 years, until you are able to ship your child off to school and let their tiresome ways become the problem of a professional staff. For those unfortunate enough to have naughty children, you may not sleep again until your child moves out completely and buckles down in a career. And if that naughty child is also a no-good free-loader who intends to move home after Hogwarts, well, you will never sleep again. You have our deepest sympathy.

Of course, the discerning parents may have already seen the answer to children sleeping through the night. Hire a nanny.